daily routine (inside your mind)

by natalia a. grade 11

 

 

          You wake up at 7 am. You realize that you won’t have time to nicely wash and dry your hair, put on some expensive make up that covers the cruel reality of teenagers, and chose the shirt that best looks on you, although you know none of your beautiful shirts would go on with you, so you would finally chose the first shirt you can localize. Your heart beat start to accelerate as you move quickly to your room, shouting to the person your mind needs to put on the guilt so you don’t feel bad about yourself. You start dressing yourself up and organizing each following movements, 5 minutes to dress, 15 minutes to do your facial stuffs that you actually hate so much, 5 minutes to have breakfast, 5 minutes to brush your teeth and 10 minutes to get you messy hair done.

 

          When finally you are ready you start to do the check list on your mind meanwhile your mom makes that same speech you never listen to, about that you have to take the responsibility of waking up, while your head goes up and down, just to make your mother shut up. Your father, or more known as your rider, came, lately as always, and hurry you up to get to the car. You finally sit down. You love this time of the moment, they are the more relaxing 10 minutes of the day. You wonder how your day would be, but you know it would never be as you expect so, so you finally accept the fact that your life would never be as you want so. You make a second check list on your mind about the goals to achieve, trying to convince yourself that you actually can do them.

 

          The car stops and your heart beat starts to rise again. You walk through the big building you love, but that makes your life each time more complicated. You walk quickly until reaching that messy world of books, papers and dust located on the right corner, on the lower road next to the toilets. Quickly you take your history book and you enter the room. Everybody stares at you and you make a big “hi” smile. They smile you back. You sit comfortably in the piece of wood that would be with you 92 long minutes and would finally make your butt hurt. You notice that you forgot you binder, so you think for a moment if you should ask the teacher to go to get it, but then you realize that you would give another reason to those guys to tell you “dum”.

 

          You carefully listen to the lesson of reconstruction for the first 5 minutes. It seems that reconstruction is not as important as your daily life problems so you start wondering about thing, random things that first came to your mind. Why are classes 92 minutes long and not 90? How would a rubber erase pen writings? Scientifics discovered that the egg was first than the hen! What would there be for lunch? That guy is so hot!   Are those things more relevant? Well they are in your mind.

                                                                                                     

          “TEST”. Your eyes pupils expand and you heart beat accelerates once more. That’s right, you have skipped an entire test lesson, and you have earned a 0 on you grade. Whatever, it is only on more next to then bunch of “I have to raise it”.

You get out of the room and go straight to your locker to take everything you need, this time you do take all your stuffs. Next period: Math. You sit on your chair next to you best friend.  You cross looks but not words. She is usually not that talkative, buy these days were worst, she seems not to care about what you say. But that feeling of loneliness disappears quickly when she asks to you: what’s up? The teacher interrupts your talk and announces his daily passage to check homework done. You know homework are a good source of 100% so you show your teacher you page full of calculations carefully done, with a huge smile of satisfaction.

 

          While the teacher is repeating the same thing over and over again during the last 15 minutes, as usual, you look at the corner of the room and you see one of your best friends next to that plastic supermodel Barbie with not only plastic body, but brain. They are holding hands. You start to squish and mold your rubber strongly. You still can’t understand how that thing can be bear by that sweet guy, but anyway, if he is happy, good for him. Anyway, does it make sense? Does she deserve him? Whatever is not your problem… but he is such a sweet guy and she is a doll. You finally decide that your math grade is really low and you have to concentrate, so you stop wondering about those silly things and return to the teacher speech. “So the inequality of the square in a binomial explosion…” Yeah, yeah, you know all this. Ok, ready for the quiz? There you go. Your front partner pass you a small page with 6 problems, you take one and pass the others. Fine, all the exercises are done and checked. You return the quiz to the teacher and you start packing your things.

 

          The bell rang, and as cows in a herd you and your classmates desperately go out to enjoy the break. You go to your locker again and put your material on there. You start walking to the cafeteria and you see your 2 best friends talking in front of you, walking so happy. They never wait for you. Although you have mentioned that to them, they always have an excuse.

 

          You sat on the same boring place with the boy that has always someone more interesting to talk to than you, the girl that always gets all the attention, you “besties” and a couple of friends that are as lost as you are. You insist on sitting on the table where everybody is so you can socialize with someone else, but your friends always say that they don’t need to socialize with anybody.

 

          The bell rings and you walk back to your locker. Again, your pupils dilate, your hands start sewing and your walk doubles it speed. You are in a conflict, where should you look? To the floor? To the roof or the wall? But you can’t stop looking at his eyes that seems to be looking at you. Those big greenish eyes. You remember every little single thing that support your theory that he likes you but then you remember all the things that don’t. You start fantasying and for a moment you are completely happy. But then your mind forces you to stop, afterwards you will never be with a guy like him. You feel so stupid you know that he can’t like you but another lucky Barbie girl can joy of that luxury. You feel like being in the same stupid movie that repeats over and over again the kid’s channel. What a baby!

 

          You enter you English room with your usual poker face that you like so much. Why? Simply: curious and nosy people that want to feel better with themselves  by hearing other’s miserable story won’t burn your head with those silly questions that seems to be written in a book that could be called “what to say” by every single person in this small little planet, that will someday exploit because of it excess of ego. You are actually happy for this long and confusing reflection. What a large one! Anyway, you throw all your things on the floor and you take out your Laptop wile everybody takes out their super mega flash unplayable Apples computers or tablets. You start writing about Shakespeare and what would he mean with one of his super confusing phrases. You compare that phrase and what you are supposed to do with a stupid but funny hyperbolic example: when he says “I’m hungry”, he is not referring to the fact that he needs to buy food but the supermarket is close so he would realize he would die, but, he is in fact wanting to eat something. As your brain prepares to exploit, time goes on, but the bell rings and saves your teenager boring, stupid and complicated head from a several and permanent damage cause by working. Anyway, you hurry up to get out of that room and you literally run to the cafeteria. It’s time to lunch. As every single time you eat from the cafeteria, you wait 15 minutes to get your mix of leftovers from the past days that some people dares to call food and you sit on the table where you usually go with your partners. You exchange some lost words with you best friends. Next to you there’s a conversation going on. You other frinds are as always talking and laughing about a theme they never share to you;  you actually never talk to them because they are so exited talking about their stuffs that they barely notice you and your friends are next to them. Silently you eat your food, looking carefully to every single person in that pigpen. There is that nasty boy that is feeding himself with his hands at the same time that his mashed food partially exits his mouth. Then you localize the Pretty Barbie Girl, sit in the front table surrounded by almost everybody. Good for her and her small light orange juice that seems to be her unique source of energy. Your eyes move from a corner to another of the cafeteria trying to find those green eyes. You did. He is eating his sandwich, silently, just like you are. The bell rings. You swallow what’s left of your dessert and you fatly pack your thinks up and hurry to get to your last course: PE (physical education)

 

          You go to the dress room where you deal with a terrible situation. You start taking all of your clothe off from your locker and you finally give up. You had forgotten your pants and you didn’t have your stereotypies legs shave; but you only have your shorts. You wet your legs hoping it dissimulates a bit those horrible keratinous filaments growing from your legs skin. Anyway, you go out of the dress room behind the other girls and you sit on the floor trying to listen to what the teacher says. Once he finishes explaining how to effect all of the 5 different circuits you stand up shrilly and you go to one of them. It seems that everybody is looking at your legs and their horrible and useless hairs.Why do we still have them? You mean, since man invent clothe and pants, why do we have these thing witch only function is to annoy woman. Finally that terrible torture ends and you dress with your loved pants that cover all of your legs. You walk towards the end hoping your mom is there waiting for you. Not surprisingly, the next thing you notice is that she’s not. You call her and she assures you that she will be there in 10 minutes. Fine 10 minutes is not that long. Meanwhile you talk to a girl that is in your class who you don’t usually talk to always very careful to what you say, you have to think everything twice before saying it, what is you screw it up with a stupid expression? What could that person think about you? You feel better. You feel more popular because you are having a conversation with someone you don’t talk too much but use to talk with everybody. (Wow!)

 

          You arrive home and you lay down on the sofa. You do your homework just to get rid of them after a great 30 minutes snap. Your dad arrives and you finally dinner. Then you spent 15 minutes taking a shower while you sing the softly your cords allow you to, imagining that you are in a concert and that, being a triumph more than 3 people is looking at you at the same time. You feel so stupid. Again, that is not going to happened! When you finish putting all the facial creams that make yourselves believe that are going to make your face look less miserable but that you actually know that it’s a waste of time, you finally lay on your bed.

 

          What a tiring day!  You are now alone, warm and comfortable in your sanctuary. You try to sleep but your mind can’t stop thinking about your day. What a bad one! You started your morning without taking your bath and then your make up was so bad that could barely hide those ugly pimple allover your face that nobody has. But then you realize that probably nobody notice that, science you are the only one that cares that much about that. And your shower, you can take it tomorrow. Referring to your mom, you actually was wrong, she didn’t had the fault of you putting it late. Your dad comes to pick you up every single day and you never say thanks. You are so concentrated into your thought that you don’t ask him how was his day, or just pretending you actually care. They love you and are and will always be there for you.  In another hand, you actually care so much about what other could think of you that you couldn’t get your binder and you miss out your notes, jus for those silly guy, they don’t deserve such a respect! And that girl you felt so honored to talk with, is just a girl like everybody else! You didn’t enjoy the talk because you were so concerned about the other girl’s thoughts! And what about your friend and the Barbie? If they are really meant to be, they will be happy, and if they are not, he would leave her. That’s it. (you hope she had ate something today, you don’t want her to have nutrition problems). What about your  loved guy? You know you are nice and pretty, and if he can’t see that, well is his miss. You will find someone that values yourself. And if your friends can’t value you and don’t talk to you just leave them and talk to other people! You know you may find someone else. You start wondering about your real friends. Don’t be such a stupid victim, you know they are your friends and that they like you, otherwise, why would they be with you. In any case you can talk to them to see it there’s any issue. Changing subject, You know you have to start raising your grades. You have to stop wondering about silly things and concentrate yourself, I’s your future what you are talking about.

 

          You know that your parents loves you, you have good friends and that you can’t care so much about your look, that’s not even a 10 % of who you are! You worry so much about stupid thing with no sense in life. “Grow up and be a woman for god sake!” You start analyzing other details of your life and you notice that you have a beautiful life and that you should thank the things you have and not wonder about the ones you don’t. You are happy now. You fall asleep deeply. But there’s one thing that you don’t know: tomorrow, you won’t have in count everything of what you have convinced yourself today and you will finally complain about your poor victimized life.